One Giant Step from One Small Stone

Well I did it, I went out and bought an engagement ring for Camille. Now you are not going to get an explanation of how the proposal went or if she has said "yes" or "no". The reason is that I am writing this even though I will not post it for a couple days. This is so I can maintain the utmost security so that it will be a secret to everyone. (Except The Lockharts, oh and my parents, and my brothers, oh yea and her parents, and half of the people that come into Pikes Perk) Other then that no one else knows. The overall process was nerve racking, I think it seems that no matter what you look at you just tend to look at every ring as not being "good enough". It is so frustrating because no matter how beautiful the ring is it does not compare to the beauty of the one you love. When I went to pick it up a couple days after picking it out I walked into the place with my hands shaking. I acted like I had the most confidence in the world but I think all the salespeople saw right through me (it would not have been too hard). I gave them my receipt almost not wanting to see the ring afraid that it might be the wrong one, or afraid it wouldn't look right, or afraid that there might be something else wrong that I hadn't even thought of. They brought it out to me all pretty and polished in a plastic bag and to tell you the truth the first thing I said was "I get a ring box for that right?". The guy looked at me like my arms were growing out of my butt and said sarcastically, "No, we're gonna let you present it in the bag". That comment though under any normal circumstance might have been funny, instead left me with the feeling that the only person who cared about this big step was me. After that he gave me the box and I thanked him, hands still shaking, and went to my car. I sat in my car and pulled out the ring to finally take a good look at it. I opened the box and was flooded with emotions thinking "this is it" and realized that upon this ring sat the idea that I was going to spend the rest of my life with the one I truly love. The one I hadn't seen in what felt like a lifetime (though it was only three weeks). Camille. Looking at that ring I all of a sudden realized how much importance I have put into an object to try to express my love. How much work I put in just to try to express my love. Right there I realized though the work is nice that is not why she loves me and that is not why I love her. And I had to ask myself, "Is that the way I approach Christ?". I think the answer is absolutely YES. It is no wonder my faith has been lacking lately, I try so hard and it seems to get me nowhere. That ring made me realize that it wasn't what I did that would cause Him to love me but it's what he did. Love for another, the more I experience it the more mysterious it becomes to me. I don't know why God chose me, I don't know why Camille chose me but they did. For that I will praise God and enjoy his love despite my work and the ensuing short comings that will come with. That's the beautiful thing though, Love is not superficial. ...Ok I'm ready, let's do this!!!

Blogging To Get My Mind To Shut-up

Well here it goes, believe it or not I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head and they aren't doing anyone any good up there. Including myself. Since Blogging is the new thing and I hate writing I will curse the internets with my thoughts. Since my girlfriend Camille moved to Kansas City for a new job at Garmin Intl. (yay!) I have had a lot of time to myself thinking about what her future holds, my future holds, and our future holds. Since she has been gone I have realized how much I truly love her. I didn't doubt it before but I think this realization can only come to those who have been in a similar situation for such an extended period of time. I pray for those who are overseas in the military, unsure if they will ever see the one's they love so much again. When I think of this it makes me think how much they truly are sacrificing. I wonder if being without the one they love is a worse feeling then fearing death? I for one thank God that he has enabled me to love like this. I never thought I would find love like this and to think it only came after so much turmoil in my life had happened and continues to happen. Why God saw this as best I have no idea, but I can only think that it would be better this way. True love endures much hardship as Christ showed us. It's Fight or Flight. I for one WILL fight. And Camille hasn't given me any reason to believe she won't either.